If I Knew Now
by Typo Goblin
Summary: The lives and love of Isshin and Masaki Kurosaki. I forgot to mention! This one I wrote for one of my readers, who suggested this pair to me. They never fail to read my stories and review them. I'm sure you know who you are, so thank you!


- She was truly the most beautiful creature that he had ever laid eyes on. She wore a pale yellow day dress that fell to her knees, showing off a bit of her shapely legs. She was a bit tall for a woman, but certainly not too tall for him. She had a graceful body, thin and curvy in all the right places. Her caramel colored hair fell to the small of her back, a natural wave giving it some body and style. Delicate eyebrows over beautiful brown eyes. High cheek bones and a small, perfect nose.

Oh, and those perfectly kissable lips! Isshin knew he was in love! When she laughed, it was with her entire body. Every bit of her glowed with a radiant light, her eyes sparkling merrily. And the gentleness that flowed from her, comforting anyone around her. Perhaps that was why all of the children on the playground swarmed around her, vying for her attention. He would have been doing the same thing if she had been able to see him. Instead, he stood by a distant tree and just watched her.

Soon enough he would be issued with a gigai, and then perhaps he would go and visit her. Introduce himself, talk to her a little bit and then BAM! Sweep her off her feet and make her fall so hopelessly and madly in love with him! He grinned at the thought, hardly able to contain himself.

….if only he knew her name.

_No matter! _He thought enthusiastically. _I will learn her name. I'll learn everything about her. It may take a lifetime, but I'm willing to do that._ He thought, settling down a bit. He slid down to the ground, leaning back on the trunk of the tree, watching her retreat back into the school with her herd of little ones.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Pacing back and forth in front of the slide nervously, Isshin adjusted his shirt carefully and slid a hand through his black hair. He cleared his throat and checked his breath for the 136th time in the last hour. School would be out soon and she would come out and wait with the kids for their parents to come and get them, entertaining them in the playground.

He nearly jumped out of his gigai when the bell rang, startling him and making his heart race madly. Watching the waves of children come running out the door, he impatiently watched teacher after teacher get swept away, but no sign of his angel. The doors closed with a snap, signaling the end of the mass exodus. All the children filed away into buses or cars and eventually the teachers left as well. No one seemed to ask why he was there. In all the commotion he was barely noticed. Other than being mistaken once for some little girl's Uncle Rusty, it was as if he wasn't even there.

His shoulders slumped in defeat. Had he picked a day off or something? Had she quit? Why wasn't she there?! He felt like he could rip the slide right out of the ground and toss it onto the moon. He just had to calm down, there would be other days. He just had to-

"Can I help you?"

"Gah!" He turned around quickly, jumping back a few paces. "It's you!" He blurted when he saw her standing there. How had she gotten around him.

She laughed, her cheeks growing rosy below her sparkling eyes. "If it wasn't for the fact that you only stared at me and never the kids, I would have called the cops on you a long time ago. But since you seem to be only in the mindset of molesting me, I didn't think I had much to worry about. I can take you." She was still smiling that perfectly sweet, innocent smile.

He could only blink at her. What a warped sense of humor. She was _perfect._

"Uh. No. I, actually wasn't thinking of molesting you." He said with a straight face. He shook his head quickly. "No that's not true. I was actually thinking of several ways to molest you. Just now. I'm sorry."

She laughed again, the sound echoing through the empty playground.

"Well, can I at least know the name of my molester?" She requested sweetly. "You know, for the police report."

"Why of course! Kurosaki Isshin. At your service." He informed her with an exaggerated bow and sweep of his arm, as if he held an imaginary hat in his hand with an exceptionally long feather in it. "May I know the name of my sweet little molestee?"

"Masaki Itō." She said with a delicate and graceful curtsy. In the few moments of silence that followed their introduction, it dawned on him.

"Wait a minute, what do you mean, you would have called the cops on me? You could see me before today?"

"Well yeah. What do you think you are, a ninja? You aren't a very good one I'm afraid." She said, as if she were trying to break the news to him gently.

"No…I suppose not…" He said a bit distractedly. _Oh well,_ he thought, _not the first time it's happened I suppose._

"Are you going to ask me to dinner or something now?"

"Or something." He said with a grin, waggling his eyebrows at her, returning to the conversation with his full attention.

She just stared at him, straight faced.

"I'm kidding. I'll behave. I promise. Pinky promise." He said, holding out his hand, pinky out. "If you'll just come and have a nice quiet dinner with me.

"Okay, but if you break your promise, I'm going to do horrible things to that pinky." She warned with a smile.

"Oh, promise?"

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"I quit." Isshin stated firmly.

"You _what?!_" Urahara leaned in close to him and lowered his voice. "Dude, you can't do that. This isn't some nine to five! You can't just quit being a Shinigami!"

"I don't care. I can't help it. This isn't my calling anymore."

"Oh, so what is?" He asked Isshin with a bit of sarcasm. "What's your new calling?"

"Being a husband."

Urahara stared at him blankly, blinking a couple times. "You can't be both?" He asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully.

"No. I can't. Not if I wanna be a father in there somewhere to. It's too dangerous! I don't know what I'd do if all this," He said with a sweep of his arm around Urahara's lab. "Harmed Masaki." He sighed and propped his head up on his hand, elbow against the table.

"Do you have _any_ idea what sort of trouble you're gonna be in?"

"Oh please, no one is gonna do jack about it. Look at me. Who is going to say anything?" Isshin rolled his eyes. "Besides, don't we deserve to be happy too?"

Urahara looked at him. He stared for a few moments from under his mop of blond hair. "Are you happy? Really?"

Isshin got a dreamy, far off look on his face, his gaze going somewhere else. "Yup. I've never been this happy before." He said, the honesty in his voice, the pure emotion leaving no room for disbelief.

"Then do it." Urahara said with a shrug.

"What?" Isshin snapped back to the present moment, staring at his friend. "Just five minutes ago you said not to!" He argued, rather confused now. How long had he been spacing out.

"If you're really happy with this lady, then do it. Lord knows that not everyone has the balls to be with the one they love." He said with a sardonic laugh.

"Thanks, Kisuke." Isshin relaxed back against the chair with a relieved sigh. It was good to know that at least one person was on his side.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

It was rare to have such a quiet night with Isshin. While she loved the man dearly, there was no denying that he could be quite the handful. Even more so than some of her 2nd graders. Perhaps that was part of his appeal. He seemed to be the complete opposite of her own personality. Where she was quiet and reserved, he was loud and out there. But he could make her laugh just by crossing his eyes. She loved that about him.

With a happy sigh, she leaned back against him, settling against his chest. She lay between his legs as he leaned against the back of the couch in her apartment. There was a furious rain storm outside, sheets of water pelting the glass sliding doors they stared out of. Bolts of lightning cut up the sky and lit the room with brilliant flashes. His arms tightened around her and she could feel his warm breath on her neck as he buried his face against her hair.

"I love you." He murmured, almost dreamily as he nuzzled her cheek.

With a happy smile, she turned into him and slid her hand to his knee, squeezing his leg affectionately. "I love you too." She returned.

"No, I love you." He said again, shifting her slightly so that she could turn to face him. "I've never felt stronger for anyone or anything in my entire life. You're more important to me than my own life. Masaki, I can't live without you and I don't want to. Will you marry me? Will you be mine forever?" He asked her gently, staring into her beautiful brown eyes.

"I already am." She said softly, reaching up to touch his hair, sliding her fingers through it.

"Does that mean…no?" He asked, a little confused.

"Of course not!" She laughed, kissing his nose. "It means yes!" She told him, nestling her head underneath his chin and curling against him.

"Well good. I thought that I was going to have to take you to some largely populated area and propose to you in a public fashion, begging you on my knees so you'd be pitied into saying yes just to keep from embarrassing me." He said in a long string of monotone words, taking no breath until the large one at the end.

With another laugh, she sat up abruptly and looked at him in surprise. "You are the oddest man I have ever met!" She said with a gentle smile.

Sliding his fingers into her hair at the nape of her neck, Isshin pulled Masaki to him for a long and gentle kiss. "And you are the most beautiful, graceful, gentle and loving woman to ever grace this earth. And now you are all mine." He said with a teasingly evil grin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Urahara said, taking a swig of beer and setting the bottle on the table. He leaned back and slid an arm over the back of his chair. "Make sure that you weren't regretting your choice to leave Soul Society.

"Kisuke, I could not possibly be a happier man." Isshin laughed, giving a toast to the air before taking a drink. "We've been married for a year and it's be wonderful. We're waiting to hear back from her doctor on a pregnancy test." He said with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Have you been trying?" Urahara asked curiously.

"Nope, I'm just that good." Isshin laughed.

"If you were just that good wouldn't you already have a baby after a year?" Urahara asked, raising a brow.

"Oh yeah…I guess you'd have a point. Anyway, if it comes back negative I think we're gonna try. She's just so good with kids. She's a teacher you know. The best one! She's so good with the little suckers, I wish you could see it. She'd make such a great mother." He said, almost going off into his own little world, rambling on.

"I can't imagine another you in existence." Urahara rolled his eyes, taking a long pull off his bottle. "Or how sappy you are. I guess we should have seen it. Where else would you direct all that skirt chasing energy toward?"

"I'm telling you. Some day, you're gonna know what it's like to be in love and you won't be making fun of me then!"

"Naw, then I'll just make fun of your horrible parenting skills."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"You mean, like the strawberry?" Isshin asked, a little bit taken aback by Masaki's suggestion of a name.

"Look at his hair!" She said with a laugh, twirling a finger around the downy soft strands of her newborn son's hair.

"Yeah, I've been wondering about that.." He murmured, almost to himself.

She didn't seem to hear him, gazing down at the baby she held in her arms. She was exhausted and sore, but looking down at the new life made it all worth it. "I think he looks like an Ichigo, that's all."

"No, you're right. He does." Isshin agree, gently resting a finger under her chin to tilt her head toward him, allowing him to kiss her sweetly and softly. "He's absolutely beautiful and perfect in every way. Just like his mother." He told her, whispering against her lips. "I love you so much, Masaki, even more than I thought possible now that you're the mother of my child."

She smiled up at him, tears springing into her eyes. On the brink of tears, her lips pressed together to try and hold it back. But then, the little Ichigo gave a small, tired gurgle as he stretched, his little fists shaking as he extended his arms, his little fingers gripping his mother's hair and pulling it against him like a security blanket. That was all it took for the tears to start falling down her cheeks.

"He is perfect." She agreed with a small laugh, her voice breaking. "I think he has your eyes though." She whispered, playing with his hair again. He was falling asleep, nestled against her chest. The beat of her heart, strong and steady was like a lullaby, sending him off into a blissful sleep, safe and secure under the gaze of his parents.

Silently and carefully, Isshin slipped off his shoes and then pulled himself up into the hospital bed with Masaki. He slid an arm around her and cradled her against him as she held their son between them. Isshin found he faced a major dilemma. Watch his beautiful wife, the love of his life sleep, or his new son, his pride and joy.

He had no idea how he had been so lucky. Probably because he was stubborn. What was his was not to be taken by anyone or anything. He grabbed on with both hands, dug in his feet and held on for dear life. As he always would. Without these two he would have no purpose in life. Since meeting her, he'd become so much more than just a man. No longer a lone soul in the universe. Now he was driven, connected.

This, he knew, was what happened when you found your soul mate.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Again!?" He laughed in surprise, staring at his wife. Masaki was smiling happily and nodding. She was fairly glowing with pride and love. "Ichigo is gonna be a big brother?"

"Twice over." She added, slipping her arms around his neck and pressing her body close to his. "There are two little lives inside me." She informed him, shocking him for the second time in so many seconds.

"Twins! Masaki!" He threw his arms around her and picked her up, kissing her fervently as he swung her around. She'd waited until Ichigo had gone to bed before she told him. It had been hard. She'd been holding it in all day long. This time, she hadn't informed him of her suspicions. She'd snuck to her doctor's appointment and hidden the results of the test from him. It had all been worth it to see his face.

"Masaki, just when I think you can't make me any happier of a man." He laughed. He settled on the couch, pulling her across his lap and cradling her against him. "I don't know how I was so lucky to actually find you. I have a beautiful soul mate, a perfect son, a successful practice and now two more kids to add to my list? You just think of everything don't you?"

"I'm glad you suggested I stay at home after Ichigo was born. I'm going to really have my hands full now. Taking care of four infants?" She laughed teasingly, nuzzling his neck.

"Yes well, just don't you forget. I was here first." He said stoicly, teasing her ear with his teeth. His hand slid up and down her side, coming down finally to rest on her stomach. "Honestly, love, you couldn't be a better mother if you wanted to." He looked deeply into her eyes, letting her see the love that he couldn't possibly express with words.

"And you couldn't be better. At all. As a father, husband, doctor, lover." She admitted the last with a small blush.

"I tell you what. I'll try to be and in 70 years or so, you let me know how I'm doing." He laughed, kissing her again. He spent the night getting lost in the love he felt for the woman he held in his arms.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Isshin woke with a start. Yawning widely, he glanced around. He had one daughter in each arm, their heads rested against his chest. Sound asleep, the both of them. He turned his head carefully to avoid waking either of them to glance at the clock. It turned over to 4:56. What was wrong? A deep feeling of foreboding had fallen over him. Both the girls seemed to be fine. Masaki was out with Ichigo, probably already on their way back from his after school activities.

Masaki!

"Karin, Yuzu. Wake up, darlings. I need you to get up now." He said hurriedly, shaking the little girls gently. They both frowned at being woken, rubbing their eyes and looking up at him. "I need you to go up to your room, okay? Go back to sleep and nap for a little while for daddy, okay?" He knelt down in front of them on the couch, one hand on each of their shoulders.

"I have to go for a little while. I'm going to send Mrs. Kenshi over to make dinner and look after you. Daddy has to go pick up Mommy and big brother since it's raining, okay?" He kissed each of them on the top of the head and hurried them up the stairs before they could see the worry he was holding back. Karin especially seemed to pick up on those emotions.

He deftly leapt the fence into the neighbor's yard and pounded on the door. The rain was bitterly cold it seemed, soaking right down to the bone before the clothes were even wet. Deep and penetrating. Deathly cold even.

"Mrs. Kenshi!" He yelled, a mere second before the kindly old lady swung the door open. She opened her mouth to ask what in the heaven's was wrong, but he didn't give her time to speak. "Karin and Yuzu are asleep in their room. I just need you to watch them for the evening. Maybe the night. Please."

"What's wrong?" She asked, her concern evident.

"I don't know." He admitted, the dread settling in the pit of his stomach like a five ton boulder. At her slight nod, he was off, assured that his daughters would be taken care of.

He ran down the street, backtracking the usual path Masaki walked with Ichigo to get home. It was already unbelievably dark with the rain making the distance hazy with an unearthly fog. Every slap of his sneakers hitting the wet pavement of the road brought the heavy feeling down harder on him. And then, quite suddenly, it hit him.

He fell to his knees, nearly landing on his face with the momentum he had. He clutched his chest at the unbelievable pain that wracked him. He'd never felt anything like it in all his years as a Shinigami or after. Tears streamed down his face, yet he had no idea why. Sobs shuddered his large frame and for a moment all he could do was kneel in the middle of the street, crying.

He forced himself to his feet, struggling to put his legs into motion. When he got running, however, he ran faster than he ever had before. The flashing blue and white lights in the distance drew him to the spot by the river.

"It killed my mommy!" A familiar child's voice shrieked amid strangled sobs, Ichigo's little lungs forcing in air after he'd screamed for so long.

"Ichigo!" Isshin zeroed in on the orange hair of his son and skidding to a halt on his knees which screamed in protest, already bloody from the pavement. He fairly tore the child from the police officers hands, hugging him tight against his chest. "Ichigo, are you okay?" He asked, examining every inch of his son. His eyes were red from crying, cheeks raw from wiping away tears over and over. "Ichigo!"

"Daddy!" The boy cried, suddenly recognizing the man. He was in such a daze of disbelief and pain he hadn't been able to process what was going on around him. "Daddy it killed her!"

Isshin's heart skipped a beat, only to start again erratically. Going fast, then slow, stopping for a moment only to race back up again. He looked up at the police officer who had been taking care of Ichigo. The man shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but had a hard time finding the words.

Picking up Ichigo and holding him tight, he followed the man's gaze to the back of the ambulance. He walked over slowly, as if the image might disappear before him and the nightmare would end. The sun would come out and Masaki would be standing there, smiling and holding out her hand to them. As she always did.

Instead, as he drew closer, he saw the pale face of his wife laying on the gurney. She looked serene and peaceful, despite the blood that spotted her cheek. Her hair fell over her eyes slightly, but he could see they were closed. Ichigo strained to turn in his father's arms and look down at his mother.

Looking at the paramedic who was attending, he just stared. He couldn't even say the words, he couldn't ask the question.

"I'm very sorry. She didn't make it." He said, already knowing what the man wanted to know. He had to answer the unspoken question to many times in his line of work.

He hugged his son tighter to his chest, burying his face against Ichigo's shoulder. His son clung to him tightly as well, fists gripping his wet shirt and holding so tight his knuckles turned white. He cried with his son. "I'm sorry, Ichigo. I'm so sorry." He whispered.

If only he had listened to the bad feeling from the instant it woke him. If only he'd run faster. If only….

And now she was dead? How had that happened. His head raised sharply and he scanned the horizon with his eyes. It wasn't there anymore. Damn! He'd gone soft! Because of him, his wife was dead!

He approached the police officer again, still holding the sobbing Ichigo close. "I'm going to the hospital with her. Can you take my son home? I have a woman watching my daughters, she'll know what to do."

"No! Daddy I want to stay with you and Mommy!" Ichigo cried, looking up at Isshin with pleading eyes.

He couldn't say no to those eyes. With a slow nod, he soothingly rubbed his back. "Okay, little man. I won't leave you. I won't let anything happen to you."

He would make sure that he didn't break that promise. No matter what, he would protect his son.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

_ "You look so cool like that." Masaki laughed, watching him from her perch on the wooden fence. They'd been hiking all morning long and stopped to take a break. He'd been so nervous about their first date he'd brought the cigarettes on a whim. _

_ The light stream that came from his exhale cut into his line of sight to her. He grinned and wagged his eyebrows. "Really now?" He grinned and took another drag, making exaggerated gestures to try and impress her more. _

_ "Well now you look kind of silly." She admitted with a shy smile. _

_ He frowned, his shoulder slumping. Her laugh made him look up. She was walking toward him. Stopping in front of him, she stood on her tip toes to kiss his cheek lightly. She smelled of some flower he couldn't identify. Soft and sweet, like the lips that tempted him constantly. _

_ "I like silly." _

_ "I can do silly." He promised with a wink._

Isshin stood in front of the grave and bent his head down slightly. He cupped his hands around the cigarette in his mouth to light it, shielding it from the wind that threatened to thwart him. With a shuddering sigh, he exhaled the first lungful of smoke.

Ichigo sat beside him, his knees hugged to his chest. Karin stood stoicly beside him, her arms crossed over her chest. Yuzu behind him gripped his pants leg shyly, her face buried against the back of his thigh. The four were silent. Although a year had passed it was still a painful experience every waking moment of every day. They managed together though, somehow.

He offered no words of comfort, because he couldn't think of any. There weren't any that would really work. They would just be empty anyway. All three of them were so strong, he couldn't be more proud. Simply being together comforted all four of them. They were all that remained of Masaki now and they clung to each other with their love for her.

It was hard and would continue to be so. But the four would make it. There would be more hardship. None as painful as this for sure, but they would hurt as well. Isshin would be better prepared in the future. He'd gotten to far from his Shinigami roots. He should have known that someday that world would come back and haunt him. He should have known, as he reminded himself every day. Perhaps punished rather than reminded.

He looked down at his three children in turn. Each of them had features of their mother. He loved each of them, was so proud of them his heart was overfilled with pride and joy. He had no idea what sort of people they would grow up to be. Whoever they were, whatever they did, he would support them and protect them through every moment of their lives. He had the luxury of being able to do so where other fathers would not.

He would not grow old and frail and eventually die. He would be there forever. That was his curse as well. He would continue on with his life, live to suffer the ache that was the missing half of his soul.

_Perhaps someday I'll join you._ He thought, taking another long drag and letting it out slowly. _But that won't be for a long time. You gave me three precious children. You gave your life for Ichigo. The least I can do is protect them where I could not protect you. Masaki, I still can't believe you're gone. _

_ I wonder some days. Days when it hurts so much I can't even breathe. If I knew when I first saw you on that playground, would I still have asked you out?_ His inner thoughts paused a moment when Yuzu let go of his pants and went to sit by her sulking brother. She grabbed onto his shirt sleeve and buried her face against his shoulder. Karin still stood beside him, still as a statue. Just looking at them he knew the answer to the question.

_In a heartbeat. _


End file.
